She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
