I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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