I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
