my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
