where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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