There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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