As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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