Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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