Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
