I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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