Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
