All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize