Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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