Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
