i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
