Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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