So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
