The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
