my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
