WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is the high leading the old right now
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
