The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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