Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
