Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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