Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Still dying that you shit outside
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
