I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
