I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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