when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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