lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
please come you make the beer taste better
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
