Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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