The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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