Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
