1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
