I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
