shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
