I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
