No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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