thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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