btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My pussy is not your playground.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
