I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
