How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
