After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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