I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
