MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
