Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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