rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
