i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was like eating out sand paper
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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