Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
