I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
