There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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