shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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