Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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