drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
