You can't motorboat a personality
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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