My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
