I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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