if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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