dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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