So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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