Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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