He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
