i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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