Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
