Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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