Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
