There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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