I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
