I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
