watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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