We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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