you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
