Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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