i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
